Howdy, dear readers! If you've managed to survive into the scorching month of August here in the Lone Star State, you might be wondering if this relentless heat wave is ever going to throw in the towel. I strolled through my yard yesterday and it looked like my grass was having an existential crisis – "To grow or not to grow, that is the question." My flower beds seemed to have attended a wilted flower support group meeting, and my chickens... well, let's just say they're practicing their synchronized sunbathing routine – half roasted, but fully committed! I kid, I kid – although, if I start hearing chicken clucks in Morse code, I might have to rethink my jokes!
Ah, summer in Texas – a time when your AC becomes your BFF, and your backyard pool turns into a hot tub without the bubbles. Since we're right smack in the middle of this inferno, I thought I'd sprinkle some Texan heat wisdom your way. You know, those phrases that bubble up like sweat when you open your front door and come face to face with the sun's fury.
First off, it wouldn't be a Texan conversation about heat without a fiery reference to hell itself. Yep, I'm talking about the place that's supposed to be hotter than a jalapeño in a salsa contest. So, don't bat an eye when you hear someone casually remark that it's "hotter than hades" – we're just comparing notes on the temperature down here!
Now, picture this: you're trying to make breakfast, but your kitchen has transformed into an oven. Ever heard the saying, "It's hot enough to fry an egg on a sidewalk"? Well, let me tell you, when the thermometer hits 108 degrees, that sidewalk becomes a 5-star gourmet griddle. Just make sure your egg doesn't request a tan line!
If you're feeling a bit adventurous and want to gauge your preacher's reaction, slip a "it's hotter than a honeymoon hotel" into your next church conversation. His eyebrows might just reach higher than the temperatures on your thermometer – talk about holy heat!
But wait, there's more! When humidity decides to join the party, you might hear someone exclaim, "I'm walking through soup here!" Now, I've never strolled through a bowl of minestrone, but I imagine it feels a lot like navigating a steam room while trying to locate your lost sunglasses – challenging and a little disorienting.
Last but not least, let's talk about wilting. You see, there's a phrase that goes, "I'm wilting," and if you're a woman over the age of 50, you know exactly what that means. It's like your body decided to do a reenactment of the Wicked Witch of the West's dramatic exit – "I'm melting!" And let's be honest, there's a certain level of solidarity and understanding between Texas heat and middle-aged women that's just... poetic.
So, there you have it – a crash course in Texan temperature talk. If you're contemplating relocating to the Lone Star State, don't let a little heat scare you off. Texas is a land of bold flavors, big hearts, and even bigger skies. Give me a holler, and I'll help you find the perfect spot to plant your roots. Plus, I'll personally deliver a fan to your doorstep – because we Texans take our hospitality and our cooling solutions seriously! Stay cool, y'all! 🌞🤠🌵
Signed,
Sherri Myers
The Royal Realtor
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